You Can't Run
by Lif61
Summary: Sam goes for a run, thinking it'd be the best way to deal with his hallucinations of Lucifer. But there's no running from the damage inside his soul.


"Good morning, Sam Winchester," a voice whispered in his ear before gently sucking on it. The sensation felt nice, and Sam smiled. "Time to get up, sleepyhead."

Wait, he recognized that voice. Sam shot up, his eyes going wide. His heart was beating wildly, threatening to burst out of his chest. Slowly, hoping he wouldn't see what he expected, he tilted his head. He swallowed roughly, a shudder running through him, when Lucifer's blue eyes met his.

"You don't need to look so scared," he told him as he stood up from his crouch. "It's only me."

Sam huffed at him, and then turned away, thinking it'd be best to ignore him.

It was still dark, presumably early in the morning. He could hear Dean snoring loudly in the bed next to his.

"Hey, why don't you go back to sleep so we can cuddle?" Lucifer suggested.

Sam got up and stretched, pretending he hadn't heard a thing. Maybe going back to sleep would be easier. At least there he didn't have to deal with his hallucinations. But sleep also meant nightmares of being tortured and violated.

 _The hallucinations are a cakewalk compared to that._

Never had the hallucinations actually hurt him. Yet. Sam was always on edge, just waiting for Lucifer to start carving into him. That's what he was used to. However, the hands he felt running up and down his back weren't too fun either. A chill ran through him from the cold touch, but he just went over to his bag and searched through it in the dark, trying to find something to wear.

Sam threw the clothes on the bed and started undressing. He did so with his eyes closed, not wanting to see the predatory way Lucifer was looking at him.

A cold hand touched his abdomen, and he couldn't ignore him any longer. He snarled quietly at him, and to his surprise, the Devil brought his hand back.

"Fine, I'll touch you later," he sighed. There was a creak as he sat down on the bed, and a sigh left him.

Sam trembled as he felt Lucifer's eyes on him, and he was too frightened to remain without his sight any longer.

Opening his eyes let him see Lucifer through the dark, lying back on the bed, his hands behind his head. He looked very pleased with himself.

Lucifer waved a hand at him. "Continue. I'm enjoying the show."

Sam's cheeks went red with shame and he lowered his head, unable to meet Lucifer's eyes. As quickly as he could he got dressed in a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a sweatshirt.

"As nice as you look in those clothes, Sammy, I don't see why you had to put them on. I prefer you naked."

A snappy retort popped into Sam's head, but he clenched his jaw before he could speak. The last thing he needed was for Lucifer to get angry.

With one look back at Dean, he left the motel room, intent on going for a jog.

The sun was just rising, and the gray, early morning air was cold. Sam didn't like it. Anything cold bothered him now. It reminded him too much of his time in the Cage. Too much of the ever-present archangel who easily kept pace beside him as he began to jog.

"A morning run," he mused. "Good idea, Sammy," he said sarcastically. "There's a much better way I can get your blood pumping if you want. It'll be more fun."

When Sam ignored him Lucifer jogged in front of him, and Sam came to a stop.

"I promise," he told him, his blue eyes frighteningly sincere.

Lucifer was delusional.

Sam tried stepping aside, but Lucifer blocked him.

"Let me through," Sam growled out.

"Oh my, he speaks!"

Sam shoved him aside and then started jogging again.

He wished he could leave Lucifer behind, he wished he could leave all his memories behind; all the pain, and the fear, and the humiliation.

Day in and day out he was tormented by his memories, by the hallucination, by nightmares. He wished there was a way he could run away from all of it, even Dean.

Sam wasn't aware that he'd sped up his pace, not until trees and buildings were streaking past him. And he kept going, feeling his legs pumping beneath him, his breath coming in gasps. He ran and ran, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Lucifer running with him. That only made Sam push himself even more. He had to escape. He had to.

His heart was beating entirely too fast. Not just from the run, but from the cold fear that he usually managed to keep controlled. It tended to sit, condensed in his stomach, but now it was racing up his spine, along his limbs, and freezing his heart.

"You can't run away from me, Sam!" Lucifer shouted.

The sun was appearing over the horizon, the gray dawn turning orange and red, like fire.

He didn't care if anyone heard him, didn't care that Lucifer was a hallucination, didn't care that he was insane. Sam shouted back, "I can try!"

And then, he stopped short so quickly he had to wave his arms a bit to stop himself from falling over. Lucifer had suddenly appeared in front of him. A cruel glint was in his eyes, and his lips turned up in a small smile. Sam just stood there, panting, his eyes wide with terror as Lucifer stepped closer to him, invading his personal space.

"You _can_ try, Sammy," he said in a low voice. "But you know it won't work."

He stepped closer again, inclined his head, and breathed in his scent. Sam flinched away.

His upper lip trembled as he got out, "Get away from me."

Lucifer began to circle him, and Sam found he had difficulty swallowing. He stood completely rigid, his fear freezing him in place.

"Why?" Lucifer asked. Sam shivered as Lucifer grasped his shoulders, and then he said into his ear. "Is it because you're afraid?"

"Of course I'm afraid," Sam spat.

"I don't blame you. Who wouldn't be after all I put you through in the Cage?"

Lucifer went around him again, his hands trailing along his body. Sam raised his head, looking down at him.

"Come on, Sam, don't be like that. Don't you remember how close we were?"

"I remember being torn apart over and _over_ again," Sam got out, his voice low. "I remember how much I wanted to rip your throat out, and I remember how you didn't show me any mercy."

Lucifer shrugged. "Of course I didn't. I am the Devil after all." Sam glared at him. "What, did you think we were gonna have a picnic?" When he didn't answer Lucifer started laughing, and he suddenly cupped Sam's face in his hands.

Shocked, Sam tried to pull back, but Lucifer dug his nails into him, drawing blood.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" he asked desperately, his voice nearly cracking.

His throat was starting to ache from pent up emotion, and his vision blurred a little with unshed tears that were building up.

"Because," Lucifer began, moving one hand down to rest over Sam's heart, which was beating as wildly as ever, "I'm _right here_. I'll always be right here."

"No."

"No?"

"You _damaged_ me!" Sam suddenly yelled at him. "You've damaged me beyond repair, and you actually think I _care_ about you?" By now tears were running down his face. "How could I? How could anyone?"

He stepped back, reeling, as Lucifer's fist suddenly shot out and hit him right in the face. Before Sam could recover he received another blow, and another, and another. Lucifer kept it up till he was on the ground, backed up against a tree, his knees pulled up to his body and his arms up to protect his face.

Lucifer grabbed his hair, and pulled painfully. Tears and blood were running down Sam's face, and one of his eyes was swollen shut. He knew that in a few minutes he wouldn't feel the pain of any injuries. He knew they weren't really there, but they hurt all right.

"How dare you speak to me like that," Lucifer hissed, his lips mere inches from his. "You think you're so strong, Sammy? Huh?"

"N-no," Sam whimpered, trying to pull away from him.

That only made Lucifer pull on his hair even more, and with his other hand he tightly gripped his jaw.

"You can never be rid of me," he hissed. "We were _made for each other_ , _Sammy_. And you know what that means? It means you can't run, you can't hide. No matter what, I will always find you. I'll always be with you. And I'll always _tear you apart_ for putting me back in the Cage."

Lucifer released him and Sam just sat there, trembling.

He cried out when a sharp kicked landed on his shin.

"Get up," Lucifer ordered.

When Sam didn't immediately listen to him he was kicked again. He groaned from the pain, but clambered to his feet.

"Now, run," he commanded. "I want to see you run. I want to see you fail to escape me."

He raised his hand in a warning when Sam didn't move, and that was all the motivation he needed to take off running again. As before, Lucifer kept pace beside him.

"Good boy, Sammy. Good boy."

Sam didn't pause as he wiped his tears on his sleeve.

He ran. He ran till he felt like he couldn't anymore, and then he kept going, knowing Lucifer wouldn't allow him to stop. He didn't want to stop. If he did he'd be punished. If he did he'd have to accept the truth that he hadn't outrun Lucifer. The Devil was right. He couldn't run from him. He would never be able to run from him. The torture from the Cage would be with him his entire life. As Sam wore himself down to exhaustion he wondered if his life was even worth living anymore.

The sun was well over the horizon when he paused to catch his breath. Lucifer stopped beside him and he could feel the intensity of his cruel gaze.

"Did I tell you to stop?" he asked, his tone icy.

Sam shook his head.

Lucifer got in front of him, and crouched down to be on his level. Sam flinched away from his gaze, but Lucifer grabbed his face.

"Then what are you doing taking a break?" he asked.

"Catching… catching my… breath," he panted out.

"Oh, is poor wittle Sammy tired?" he teased.

Sam straightened as he shook himself out of Lucifer's grasp. His chest was still heaving, but he asked, "What's the point?" He looked away, tears threatening to spill over again. "I'll never escape you."

"So you've finally learned your lesson?"

Sam just clenched his jaw. His muscles tensed when Lucifer pat his cheek.

"Don't you worry, Sam. I'll always be with you."

Those words made Sam want to take off running again, but he knew the truth. There was no escape.

 _You can't run,_ he told himself. _You can't run…_

And then, mirroring his thoughts, Lucifer whispered in his ear, "You can't run."


End file.
